wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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