I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
