We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
