I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
