but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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