I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
