You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
