Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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