Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
