# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
