i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
