I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
