When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
