She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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