You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
