You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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