hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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