That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No subtext here. People are naked.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
