If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
