thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
