1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
