So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
