He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
