She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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