i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
