he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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