The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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