I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
