your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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