If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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