I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
17 year olds will be the death of me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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