When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
