So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
