I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
