That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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