it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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