You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
