Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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