i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My dick has a subreddit
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
