This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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