I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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