Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
