just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
