he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
