i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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