Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
