when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
