If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
