69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
