Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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