i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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