You just made me feel so damn special
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
